One of my clients, Simon, was experiencing burnout at times. He often judged himself harshly and for not doing enough, and not doing a good enough job.

After some deep self inquiry he discovered, as a Type 3, how achievement oriented and performance driven he has been and how much self worth he was trying to get from external validation and achievements. How busy he was doing what he should be doing.

He also discovered the strategies he was using to avoid the shame of failure. Only pursuing what he thought he could be the best at and avoiding anything where he thought he could not compete. With this insight he returned to a sport he had given up. With friends who were some of Australia’s best at that sport, in the past he had thought “I’ll never be as good as them, so why am I even doing this?!” Why bother if he’s not improving and couldn’t compete at their level.

He began to drop these stories and strategies, designed to protect him from failure. He dropped all the stories about being too old and not good enough. He started doing it for the joy of it. And for the joy of the challenges, failures and learnings.

And then… a funny thing happened. He started improving. He was practising with his friends, many of whom are Australia’s best, and instead of comparing himself and feeling bad, he began learning from them. 

In a short period of time he was invited to join a team from one of the leading Australian companies in the sport and even started placing at events.

This is the paradox. The very way he was going about avoiding the shame of failure, was the very thing keeping him from succeeding. When he leaned in to failing, and dropped the stories, joy returned and he started to win.

“I felt shame and disappointment with myself, it was crushing. I felt lost and alone. After working with Amy and unpacking this, I was able to see my fears as a way to protect me from failure, and that they were also preventing me from experiencing life. I was able to combine this insight with small actions (and a little bit of courage) and started to process my fear in more healthy ways. I started showing up more in the sport I’ve enjoyed for so long, but with a new perspective. This helped me to learn faster, with more fun and less pressure – the complete opposite to the approach I’d had before. Where I thought I would perform better under pressure, this new playfulness actually was much more helpful in giving me the experience I wanted, but also gave me better results in my performance too, which actually blows my mind. The funny thing is that I don’t think I need to perform or be seen by others as performing well any more – I can enjoy it for what it is and the skills and performance comes along with it. I’ve been able to apply this to other areas of my life and it’s been opening up new doors and new levels of enjoyment and fulfilment for me.”