What is NLP? (And Why Most of What You’ve Heard About It Is Wrong)
Every human experience from making split-second decisions to navigating difficult conversations, from feeling confident to spiralling into anxiety, follows a pattern. A recipe.
And just like any recipe, if you follow the same steps, with the same ingredients, you’ll get the same result.
We all have recipes for the experiences and outcomes we’re creating in our lives, whether we want those outcomes or not.
These recipes are made up of patterns:
- How we’re thinking (internal dialogue, imagery, meaning-making and more)
- How we’re feeling (emotional states, nervous system activation)
- What we’re doing with our bodies (posture, breathing, movement, voice)
- Actions we’re taking in the world (or not taking)
Here’s a Recipe for Shame
Notice you’ve failed to meet some standard of behaviour.
Judge this as evidence you’re fundamentally flawed, a bad person, not as good as you should be.
Picture someone who represents that standard. See them towering over you in your mind’s eye. Make yourself small in the image. Dim the colours. Imagine how poorly they’d think of you if they knew.
Tuck your chin. Round your shoulders forward. Collapse through your middle.
Ta-da. Shame.
There are other recipes for shame, but this one works pretty well!
Why Would You Want a Recipe for Shame?
You wouldn’t.
But knowing the recipe means you can change it.
When you understand the pattern, the specific sequence of internal representations and physiology creating the experience… you can intervene. Change the ingredients, change the process, change the outcome.
Let’s remix that recipe:
Notice you’ve failed to meet some standard of behaviour.
Assess this as a learning experience that will make you more capable.
If there’s an image of someone else, adjust it: same height as you, meeting at eye level. Brighten the picture.
Ask yourself:
- Is this actually my standard, or someone else’s?
- Do I want to keep this standard for myself?
- Would I hold others to this same standard?
Straighten your spine. Lift your chest. Keep your head level or slightly elevated. Turn your heart toward the light like a solar panel.
Do you feel shame now? Or have we created something else entirely?
This Is What NLP Actually Is
NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is the study of subjective experience, the patterns that create our internal reality and external results.
When you learn NLP properly, you discover:
- The different ways humans structure thinking, feeling, and behaviour
- How to identify these patterns in yourself and others
- How to change them deliberately
If someone consistently achieves their goals, there’s a recipe for that. If someone navigates conflict with grace, there’s a recipe. If someone stays calm under pressure, there’s a recipe.
NLP gives you the ability to reverse-engineer these recipes and replicate them in yourself.
You become incredibly flexible in directing your internal experience and the results you create in the world.
The Problem: Most NLP Training Is Garbage
Unfortunately, the majority of “NLP Practitioner” courses don’t actually teach you this.
They give you scripted techniques to read aloud. You don’t develop skill or understanding. You practice reading scripts.
Here’s how to recognise quality NLP training:
✅ Minimum 18 days of instruction ✅ Delivered live, in-person, face-to-face ✅ Script-free teaching that develops actual competence, not performance ✅ Emphasis on understanding patterns, not memorizing techniques ✅ Embodied learning that integrates nervous system, language, and behavior
Red flags for low-quality training:
🚩 7 days or less 🚩 Script-based delivery 🚩 Online-only or hybrid formats claiming equivalence to in-person training 🚩 Focus on “certification” rather than skill development 🚩 Marketing that promises quick fixes, wealth, or manipulation tactics
Short courses might be taught by well-meaning people, but they simply cannot deliver the depth of understanding and practice required to develop genuine NLP competence.
What Real NLP Training Looks Like
Real NLP training is apprenticeship-based. You learn by doing, with extensive supervised practice, immediate feedback, and progressive skill development.
You don’t just learn techniques. You learn:
- How to calibrate: reading subtle cues in yourself and others
- How to track multiple levels simultaneously (content, process, physiology, relationship)
- How to design interventions on the fly based on what’s actually happening
- How to work ethically with the entire human system, not just thoughts and language
- And much, much more
This takes time. It takes embodiment. It takes being in the room with skilled practitioners who can see what you’re doing and help you refine it.
You can’t get this from a short course or a pre-recorded video.
Why This Matters
The field of NLP has been flooded with low-quality training that:
- Oversimplifies the methodology
- Creates practitioners who can only follow scripts
- Focuses on manipulation rather than genuine human development
- Promises unrealistic outcomes
- Charges premium prices for substandard education
This has damaged the reputation of a methodology that, when taught properly, is one of the most powerful tools available for understanding and transforming human experience.
If you’re considering NLP training, do your homework.
Look for comprehensive, in-person programs taught by people who’ve been practicing and teaching for decades, not months. And who learned the craft of NLP Training via an apprenticeship, and didn’t just get sign off from a certificate sausage factory.
Look for training that emphasises embodied understanding over certification credentials or speed.
Look for a learning environment that treats you as a whole human being capable of sophisticated pattern recognition and creative intervention, not a script-reading robot.
Real NLP is worth learning. Most of what’s being sold as NLP is not.
